The Illusion of Control

Over the past 10 days, I’ve had the chance to drive through the beautiful landscapes of the country in which I live, sharing the journey with a visiting Swedish friend. During this time, I realised just how powerful our words are in shaping how others perceive things. I also noticed that there were moments when I felt in complete control, I was the driver of the car, and confident we were headed towards a particular destination. Yet often we encountered roadworks or a delightful diversion that took us in an entirely different direction.

This experience got me thinking about a much larger concept; the illusion of control in our lives.

Think about your own life for a moment. You likely believe that you’re the one making decisions; choosing your career, your relationships, your actions. You see yourself as having agency, learning from your experiences, and adjusting along the way. You look at those who have achieved great success and think that if you follow their path, you too will find success. You believe that you’re the one driving the car of your life.

But what if you aren’t the driver? What if your life is on a pre-determined path, and all your actions are just part of the bigger picture, part of a script that’s unfolding whether you realise it or not?

As the renowned spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle said, "The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." This speaks directly to the illusion of control. We often believe we’re in charge of everything, but in reality, it’s our thoughts that create this sense of control. The key, then, is not to force control, but to detach from the need for it and instead focus on being fully present in each moment, accepting life as it unfolds.

So, what can you do about this?

The answer is simple: watch your life unfold like a movie.

When you release the need to be the one driving, both the regret for things that went wrong and the pride in things that went right lose their grip on you. You can stop trying to control every outcome and instead, open yourself to experiencing a deep joy that stays with you, no matter what’s happening around you.

You may find yourself now asking “If everything is preordained, why should I do anything?" The answer is simple: Even if life is already mapped out, your internal programming, is constantly guiding your actions even if you try to resist or detach from them. Just like nature sheds its leaves only to grow stronger and more resilient with each new season, you too are meant to evolve through action. You can't just sit back and expect to do nothing. If you try, that too is part of the plan.

So, what can you do? It’s not about controlling every detail. Instead, it’s about recognising that you’re playing your part in a much bigger picture.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you can't change, be curious.

Ask yourself, “What am I learning here?” or “How is this experience helping me grow?”

As the spiritual teacher and author, Thich Nhat Hanh, beautifully put it: “When you begin to see that your true nature is like the sky, you’ll be free of all limitations and the illusion of control.” This brings us back to the idea of surrendering to life’s flow, trusting that you are exactly where you need to be.

Embrace each moment with an open heart, knowing that even the challenges you face are part of your journey, teaching you resilience, patience, and a deeper understanding of yourself. Life isn't about perfect control; it’s about learning, evolving, and finding peace in the flow of your experiences.

So, how will you choose to move forward? Will you keep trying to steer the wheel, or will you trust that life’s journey has its own course, ready to show you where you need to go?

The choice, as always, is yours.